Cyberangels ^Å^ Support

1. Triad: An adoptee, birthparent or adoptive parent

2. ISO: In Search Of

3. BM: Birthmom/Bmom

4. BF: Birthfather/Bdad

5. AD: Adoptee

6. AM: Adoptive Mom/Amom

7. AD: Adoptive Dad/Adad

8. BSIB: Birth sibling

9. ASIB: Adoptive sibling

10. DOB: Date of Birth

11. POB: Place of Birth

12. KS/KD/KC: Kept son, kept daughter, kept child

13. DNR: Do Not Remember

14. FCH: Florence Crittendon Home--where many birthmoms stayed while pregnant

15. CC: Catholic Charities--an agency that handled many adoptions

16. PA: Private Adoption

17. BMA: Black Market Adoption

18. CI: Confidential Intermediary

I'm sure there are more and will be updating this list as I remember them.

Basic Searching

If you haven't already, go to your favorite search engine, and type in the word "adoption". I did this recently and brought up approximately 12,000 pages. Where do you start? First of all, finding adoption resources and information can be easy..if you just know where to look.

Good keywords to use in a search engine include the state you were born in or are searching in, the word adoption and search. For example, if I were using Alta Vista, I would type in +"Illinois" +"adoption" +"search".

Other basic places to go for adoption search help is Adoptees Internet Mailing List (+"adoption" + "search") This is a mailing list site that hosts many adoption related lists…many of which are state-specific and are free to join. Always read over the list rules and spend about a week watching the list to get an idea of how things 'work' and what is/is not acceptable. Basic Search Safety: Remember that whatever you post in a guestbook or on a message board can be seen by countless others.

Posting your email address can open yourself up to receiving spam messages or other solicitations. It is highly advised to obtain a free email address like Hotmail and use that address for contact information. (Some mailing lists won't allow blind box email accounts such as Hotmail so make sure you contact the list administrator for the details.)

Never ever post private information about yourself. You might think that, by posting your social security number, the person you are searching for will have a better chance to find you. As an adoptee, let me assure you that I had no idea as to what my birthmom's Social Security Number was.

When you find a registry that suits your needs, stop before you send in that registration form. Find out where all of this information is going, who is going to see it and how is it going to be used? Nine times out of ten, when a registry asks for your home phone number and address, it is to have a back up in contacting you should you change your email address and forget to contact the registry. This information is never given to other sources, again nine times out of ten. As a former registry owner myself, it was so heartbreaking to actually have a match and not have a way to contact one of the parties because the email address was wrong or out of service. Don't be afraid to ask questions of the registry owner. They welcome questions.

Buyer Beware

Before you spend your hard earned money, give yourself a chance to get used to all the information that is available on line. There is a wealth of information out there for you, and thousands of triad members like you who are willing to help you out with pointers, ideas and even some legwork!

The Volunteer Search Network is made up of triad members who are willing to make a trip to the library to check information for you. All it might cost you is a few dollars to cover copies made or gas money.

Again, mailing lists like the Adoptees Internet Mailing List hosts over 900 members..adoptees only..in various stages of search and reunion. This list has been famous for offering to do legwork for other 'list sibs'.

Educate yourself by reading up on what you are allowed to see and how you go about obtaining this information. A visit to the AIML website will help you as there is a listing of adoption laws. You can also stop by Tina's Reform Pages.

Let The Search Begin

Above all, common sense is the main factor. You wouldn't walk up to a complete stranger and give them the most intimate details of your life. My best advice to you is to read..read..and then read some more.

This won't be an overnight experience. In my three years of being in the online adoption community, I've only heard of one person finding their birthmother by putting her name into a search engine.

Keep a detailed notebook of everything you do online. Print out any and all registry confirmation letters you receive, bookmark every registry and information page you visit.

Lastly, before you even turn on the computer to start your search, sit down and talk to your family. Explain that this is something that you feel you need to do and ask for their support, because when it gets right down to it, support is the key. They are going to be joining you on this 'emotional rollercoaster'.

Next time, we'll talk about going for that first step..obtaining your Non Identifying information and Investigating the information you have at your fingertips.